PAPER 83
- THE MARRIAGE INSTITUTION
This is the recital of the
early beginnings of the institution of marriage. It has
progressed steadily from the loose and promiscuous matings
of the herd through many variations and adaptations, even to
the appearance of those marriage standards which eventually
culminated in the realization of pair matings, the union of
one man and one woman to establish a home of the highest
social order.
Marriage has been many
times in jeopardy, and the marriage mores have drawn heavily
on both property and religion for support; but the real
influence which forever safeguards marriage and the
resultant family is the simple and innate biologic fact that
men and women positively will not live without each other,
be they the most primitive savages or the most cultured
mortals.
It is because of the sex
urge that selfish man is lured into making something better
than an animal out of himself. The self-regarding and
self-gratifying sex relationship entails the certain
consequences of self-denial and insures the assumption of
altruistic duties and numerous race-benefiting home
responsibilities. Herein has sex been the unrecognized and
unsuspected civilizer of the savage; for this same sex
impulse automatically and unerringly compels man to think
and eventually leads him to love.
1. MARRIAGE AS A
SOCIETAL INSTITUTION
Marriage is society's
mechanism designed to regulate and control those many human
relations which arise out of the physical fact of
bisexuality. As such an institution, marriage functions in
two directions:
1. In the regulation of
personal sex relations.
2. In the regulation of
descent, inheritance, succession, and social order, this
being its older and original function.
The family, which grows
out of marriage, is itself a stabilizer of the marriage
institution together with the property mores. Other potent
factors in marriage stability are pride, vanity, chivalry,
duty, and religious convictions. But while marriages may be
approved or disapproved on high, they are hardly made in
heaven. The human family is a distinctly human institution,
an evolutionary development. Marriage is an institution of
society, not a department of the church. True, religion
should mightily influence it but should not undertake
exclusively to control and regulate it.
Primitive marriage was
primarily industrial; and even in modern times it is often a
social or business affair. Through the influence of the
mixture of the Andite stock and as a result of the mores of
advancing civilization, marriage is slowly becoming mutual,
romantic, parental, poetical, affectionate, ethical, and
even idealistic. Selection and so-called romantic love,
however, were at
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a minimum in primitive
mating. During early times husband and wife were not much
together; they did not even eat together very often. But
among the ancients, personal affection was not strongly
linked to sex attraction; they became fond of one another
largely because of living and working together.
2. COURTSHIP AND
BETROTHAL
Primitive marriages were
always planned by the parents of the boy and girl. The
transition stage between this custom and the times of free
choosing was occupied by the marriage broker or professional
matchmaker. These matchmakers were at first the barbers;
later, the priests. Marriage was originally a group affair;
then a family matter; only recently has it become an
individual adventure.
Coercion, not attraction,
was the approach to primitive marriage. In early times woman
had no sex aloofness, only sex inferiority as inculcated by
the mores. As raiding preceded trading, so marriage by
capture preceded marriage by contract. Some women would
connive at capture in order to escape the domination of the
older men of their tribe; they preferred to fall into the
hands of men of their own age from another tribe. This
pseudo elopement was the transition stage between capture by
force and subsequent courtship by charming.
An early type of wedding
ceremony was the mimic flight, a sort of elopement rehearsal
which was once a common practice. Later, mock capture became
a part of the regular wedding ceremony. A modern girl's
pretensions to resist "capture," to be reticent toward
marriage, are all relics of olden customs. The carrying of
the bride over the threshold is reminiscent of a number of
ancient practices, among others, of the days of wife
stealing.
Woman was long denied full
freedom of self-disposal in marriage, but the more
intelligent women have always been able to circumvent this
restriction by the clever exercise of their wits. Man has
usually taken the lead in courtship, but not always. Woman
sometimes formally, as well as covertly, initiates marriage.
And as civilization has progressed, women have had an
increasing part in all phases of courtship and marriage.
Increasing love, romance,
and personal selection in premarital courtship are an Andite
contribution to the world races. The relations between the
sexes are evolving favorably; many advancing peoples are
gradually substituting somewhat idealized concepts of sex
attraction for those older motives of utility and ownership.
Sex impulse and feelings of affection are beginning to
displace cold calculation in the choosing of life partners.
The betrothal was
originally equivalent to marriage; and among early peoples
sex relations were conventional during the engagement. In
recent times, religion has established a sex taboo on the
period between betrothal and marriage.
3. PURCHASE AND
DOWRY
The ancients mistrusted
love and promises; they thought that abiding unions must be
guaranteed by some tangible security, property. For this
reason, the purchase price of a wife was regarded as a
forfeit or deposit which the husband was doomed to lose in
case of divorce or desertion. Once the purchase price of a
bride had been paid, many tribes permitted the husband's
brand to be burned upon her. Africans still buy their wives.
A love wife, or a white man's wife, they compare to a cat
because she costs nothing.
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The bride shows were
occasions for dressing up and decorating daughters for
public exhibition with the idea of their bringing higher
prices as wives. But they were not sold as animals--among
the later tribes such a wife was not transferable. Neither
was her purchase always just a cold-blooded money
transaction; service was equivalent to cash in the purchase
of a wife. If an otherwise desirable man could not pay for
his wife, he could be adopted as a son by the girl's father
and then could marry. And if a poor man sought a wife and
could not meet the price demanded by a grasping father, the
elders would often bring pressure to bear upon the father
which would result in a modification of his demands, or else
there might be an elopement.
As civilization
progressed, fathers did not like to appear to sell their
daughters, and so, while continuing to accept the bride
purchase price, they initiated the custom of giving the pair
valuable presents which about equaled the purchase money.
And upon the later discontinuance of payment for the bride,
these presents became the bride's dowry.
The idea of a dowry was to
convey the impression of the bride's independence, to
suggest far removal from the times of slave wives and
property companions. A man could not divorce a dowered wife
without paying back the dowry in full. Among some tribes a
mutual deposit was made with the parents of both bride and
groom to be forfeited in case either deserted the other, in
reality a marriage bond. During the period of transition
from purchase to dowry, if the wife were purchased, the
children belonged to the father; if not, they belonged to
the wife's family.
4. THE WEDDING
CEREMONY
The wedding ceremony grew
out of the fact that marriage was originally a community
affair, not just the culmination of a decision of two
individuals. Mating was of group concern as well as a
personal function.
Magic, ritual, and
ceremony surrounded the entire life of the ancients, and
marriage was no exception. As civilization advanced, as
marriage became more seriously regarded, the wedding
ceremony became increasingly pretentious. Early marriage was
a factor in property interests, even as it is today, and
therefore required a legal ceremony, while the social status
of subsequent children demanded the widest possible
publicity. Primitive man had no records; therefore must the
marriage ceremony be witnessed by many persons.
At first the wedding
ceremony was more on the order of a betrothal and consisted
only in public notification of intention of living together;
later it consisted in formal eating together. Among some
tribes the parents simply took their daughter to the
husband; in other cases the only ceremony was the formal
exchange of presents, after which the bride's father would
present her to the groom. Among many Levantine peoples it
was the custom to dispense with all formality, marriage
being consummated by sex relations. The red man was the
first to develop the more elaborate celebration of weddings.
Childlessness was greatly
dreaded, and since barrenness was attributed to spirit
machinations, efforts to insure fecundity also led to the
association of marriage with certain magical or religious
ceremonials. And in this effort to insure a happy and
fertile marriage, many charms were employed; even the
astrologers were consulted to ascertain the birth stars of
the contracting parties.
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At one time the human
sacrifice was a regular feature of all weddings among
well-to-do people.
Lucky days were sought
out, Thursday being most favorably regarded, and weddings
celebrated at the full of the moon were thought to be
exceptionally fortunate. It was the custom of many Near
Eastern peoples to throw grain upon the newlyweds; this was
a magical rite which was supposed to insure fecundity.
Certain Oriental peoples used rice for this purpose.
Fire and water were always
considered the best means of resisting ghosts and evil
spirits; hence altar fires and lighted candles, as well as
the baptismal sprinkling of holy water, were usually in
evidence at weddings. For a long time it was customary to
set a false wedding day and then suddenly postpone the event
so as to put the ghosts and spirits off the track.
The teasing of newlyweds
and the pranks played upon honeymooners are all relics of
those far-distant days when it was thought best to appear
miserable and ill at ease in the sight of the spirits so as
to avoid arousing their envy. The wearing of the bridal veil
is a relic of the times when it was considered necessary to
disguise the bride so that ghosts might not recognize her
and also to hide her beauty from the gaze of the otherwise
jealous and envious spirits. The bride's feet must never
touch the ground just prior to the ceremony. Even in the
twentieth century it is still the custom under the Christian
mores to stretch carpets from the carriage landing to the
church altar.
One of the most ancient
forms of the wedding ceremony was to have a priest bless the
wedding bed to insure the fertility of the union; this was
done long before any formal wedding ritual was established.
During this period in the evolution of the marriage mores
the wedding guests were expected to file through the
bedchamber at night, thus constituting legal witness to the
consummation of marriage.
The luck element, that in
spite of all premarital tests certain marriages turned out
bad, led primitive man to seek insurance protection against
marriage failure; led him to go in quest of priests and
magic. And this movement culminated directly in modern
church weddings. But for a long time marriage was generally
recognized as consisting in the decisions of the contracting
parents--later of the pair--while for the last five hundred
years church and state have assumed jurisdiction and now
presume to make pronouncements of marriage.
5. PLURAL
MARRIAGES
In the early history of
marriage the unmarried women belonged to the men of the
tribe. Later on, a woman had only one husband at a time.
This practice of one-man-at-a-time was the first step
away from the promiscuity of the herd. While a woman was
allowed but one man, her husband could sever such temporary
relationships at will. But these loosely regulated
associations were the first step toward living pairwise in
distinction to living herdwise. In this stage of marriage
development children usually belonged to the mother.
The next step in mating
evolution was the group marriage. This communal phase
of marriage had to intervene in the unfolding of family life
because the marriage mores were not yet strong enough to
make pair associations permanent. The brother and sister
marriages belonged to this group; five brothers of one
family would marry five sisters of another. All over the
world the looser forms of communal marriage gradually
evolved into various types of group marriage.
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And these group associations
were largely regulated by the totem mores. Family life
slowly and surely developed because sex and marriage
regulation favored the survival of the tribe itself by
insuring the survival of larger numbers of children.
Group marriages gradually
gave way before the emerging practices of polygamy--polygyny
and polyandry--among the more advanced tribes. But polyandry
was never general, being usually limited to queens and rich
women; furthermore, it was customarily a family affair, one
wife for several brothers. Caste and economic restrictions
sometimes made it necessary for several men to content
themselves with one wife. Even then, the woman would marry
only one, the others being loosely tolerated as "uncles" of
the joint progeny.
The Jewish custom
requiring that a man consort with his deceased brother's
widow for the purpose of "raising up seed for his brother,"
was the custom of more than half the ancient world. This was
a relic of the time when marriage was a family affair rather
than an individual association.
The institution of
polygyny recognized, at various times, four sorts of wives:
1. The ceremonial or legal
wives.
2. Wives of affection and
permission.
3. Concubines, contractual
wives.
4. Slave wives.
True polygyny, where all
the wives are of equal status and all the children equal,
has been very rare. Usually, even with plural marriages, the
home was dominated by the head wife, the status companion.
She alone had the ritual wedding ceremony, and only the
children of such a purchased or dowered spouse could inherit
unless by special arrangement with the status wife.
The status wife was not
necessarily the love wife; in early times she usually was
not. The love wife, or sweetheart, did not appear until the
races were considerably advanced, more particularly after
the blending of the evolutionary tribes with the Nodites and
Adamites.
The taboo wife--one wife
of legal status--created the concubine mores. Under these
mores a man might have only one wife, but he could maintain
sex relations with any number of concubines. Concubinage was
the steppingstone to monogamy, the first move away from
frank polygyny. The concubines of the Jews, Romans, and
Chinese were very frequently the handmaidens of the wife.
Later on, as among the Jews, the legal wife was looked upon
as the mother of all children born to the husband.
The olden taboos on sex
relations with a pregnant or nursing wife tended greatly to
foster polygyny. Primitive women aged very early because of
frequent childbearing coupled with hard work. (Such
overburdened wives only managed to exist by virtue of the
fact that they were put in isolation one week out of each
month when they were not heavy with child.) Such a wife
often grew tired of bearing children and would request her
husband to take a second and younger wife, one able to help
with both childbearing and the domestic work. The new wives
were therefore usually hailed with delight by the older
spouses; there existed nothing on the order of sex jealousy.
The number of wives was
only limited by the ability of the man to provide for them.
Wealthy and able men wanted large numbers of children, and
since the infant mortality was very high, it required an
assembly of wives to recruit a large family. Many of these
plural wives were mere laborers, slave wives.
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Human customs evolve, but
very slowly. The purpose of a harem was to build up a strong
and numerous body of blood kin for the support of the
throne. A certain chief was once convinced that he should
not have a harem, that he should be contented with one wife;
so he promptly dismissed his harem. The dissatisfied wives
went to their homes, and their offended relatives swept down
on the chief in wrath and did away with him then and there.
6. TRUE
MONOGAMY--PAIR MARRIAGE
Monogamy is monopoly; it
is good for those who attain this desirable state, but it
tends to work a biologic hardship on those who are not so
fortunate. But quite regardless of the effect on the
individual, monogamy is decidedly best for the children.
The earliest monogamy was
due to force of circumstances, poverty. Monogamy is cultural
and societal, artificial and unnatural, that is, unnatural
to evolutionary man. It was wholly natural to the purer
Nodites and Adamites and has been of great cultural value to
all advanced races.
The Chaldean tribes
recognized the right of a wife to impose a premarital pledge
upon her spouse not to take a second wife or concubine; both
the Greeks and the Romans favored monogamous marriage.
Ancestor worship has always fostered monogamy, as has the
Christian error of regarding marriage as a sacrament. Even
the elevation of the standard of living has consistently
militated against plural wives. By the time of Michael's
advent on Urantia practically all of the civilized world had
attained the level of theoretical monogamy. But this passive
monogamy did not mean that mankind had become habituated to
the practice of real pair marriage.
While pursuing the
monogamic goal of the ideal pair marriage, which is, after
all, something of a monopolistic sex association, society
must not overlook the unenviable situation of those
unfortunate men and women who fail to find a place in this
new and improved social order, even when having done their
best to co-operate with, and enter into, its requirements.
Failure to gain mates in the social arena of competition may
be due to insurmountable difficulties or multitudinous
restrictions which the current mores have imposed. Truly,
monogamy is ideal for those who are in, but it must
inevitably work great hardship on those who are left out in
the cold of solitary existence.
Always have the
unfortunate few had to suffer that the majority might
advance under the developing mores of evolving civilization;
but always should the favored majority look with kindness
and consideration on their less fortunate fellows who must
pay the price of failure to attain membership in the ranks
of those ideal sex partnerships which afford the
satisfaction of all biologic urges under the sanction of the
highest mores of advancing social evolution.
Monogamy always has been,
now is, and forever will be the idealistic goal of human sex
evolution. This ideal of true pair marriage entails
self-denial, and therefore does it so often fail just
because one or both of the contracting parties are deficient
in that acme of all human virtues, rugged self-control.
Monogamy is the yardstick
which measures the advance of social civilization as
distinguished from purely biologic evolution. Monogamy is
not necessarily biologic or natural, but it is indispensable
to the immediate maintenance and
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further development of social
civilization. It contributes to a delicacy of sentiment, a
refinement of moral character, and a spiritual growth which
are utterly impossible in polygamy. A woman never can become
an ideal mother when she is all the while compelled to
engage in rivalry for her husband's affections.
Pair marriage favors and
fosters that intimate understanding and effective
co-operation which is best for parental happiness, child
welfare, and social efficiency. Marriage, which began in
crude coercion, is gradually evolving into a magnificent
institution of self-culture, self-control, self-expression,
and self-perpetuation.
7. THE
DISSOLUTION OF WEDLOCK
In the early evolution of
the marital mores, marriage was a loose union which could be
terminated at will, and the children always followed the
mother; the mother-child bond is instinctive and has
functioned regardless of the developmental stage of the
mores.
Among primitive peoples
only about one half the marriages proved satisfactory. The
most frequent cause for separation was barrenness, which was
always blamed on the wife; and childless wives were believed
to become snakes in the spirit world. Under the more
primitive mores, divorce was had at the option of the man
alone, and these standards have persisted to the twentieth
century among some peoples.
As the mores evolved,
certain tribes developed two forms of marriage: the
ordinary, which permitted divorce, and the priest marriage,
which did not allow for separation. The inauguration of wife
purchase and wife dowry, by introducing a property penalty
for marriage failure, did much to lessen separation. And,
indeed, many modern unions are stabilized by this ancient
property factor.
The social pressure of
community standing and property privileges has always been
potent in the maintenance of the marriage taboos and mores.
Down through the ages marriage has made steady progress and
stands on advanced ground in the modern world,
notwithstanding that it is threateningly assailed by
widespread dissatisfaction among those peoples where
individual choice--a new liberty--figures most largely.
While these upheavals of adjustment appear among the more
progressive races as a result of suddenly accelerated social
evolution, among the less advanced peoples marriage
continues to thrive and slowly improve under the guidance of
the older mores.
The new and sudden
substitution of the more ideal but extremely individualistic
love motive in marriage for the older and long-established
property motive, has unavoidably caused the marriage
institution to become temporarily unstable. Man's marriage
motives have always far transcended actual marriage morals,
and in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries the Occidental
ideal of marriage has suddenly far outrun the self-centered
and but partially controlled sex impulses of the races. The
presence of large numbers of unmarried persons in any
society indicates the temporary breakdown or the transition
of the mores.
The real test of marriage,
all down through the ages, has been that continuous intimacy
which is inescapable in all family life. Two pampered and
spoiled youths, educated to expect every indulgence and full
gratification of vanity and ego, can hardly hope to make a
great success of marriage and home building--a life-long
partnership of self-effacement, compromise, devotion, and
unselfish dedication to child culture.
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The high degree of
imagination and fantastic romance entering into courtship is
largely responsible for the increasing divorce tendencies
among modern Occidental peoples, all of which is further
complicated by woman's greater personal freedom and
increased economic liberty. Easy divorce, when the result of
lack of self-control or failure of normal personality
adjustment, only leads directly back to those crude societal
stages from which man has emerged so recently and as the
result of so much personal anguish and racial suffering.
But just so long as
society fails to properly educate children and youths, so
long as the social order fails to provide adequate
premarital training, and so long as unwise and immature
youthful idealism is to be the arbiter of the entrance upon
marriage, just so long will divorce remain prevalent. And in
so far as the social group falls short of providing marriage
preparation for youths, to that extent must divorce function
as the social safety valve which prevents still worse
situations during the ages of the rapid growth of the
evolving mores.
The ancients seem to have
regarded marriage just about as seriously as some
present-day people do. And it does not appear that many of
the hasty and unsuccessful marriages of modern times are
much of an improvement over the ancient practices of
qualifying young men and women for mating. The great
inconsistency of modern society is to exalt love and to
idealize marriage while disapproving of the fullest
examination of both.
8. THE
IDEALIZATION OF MARRIAGE
Marriage which culminates
in the home is indeed man's most exalted institution, but it
is essentially human; it should never have been called a
sacrament. The Sethite priests made marriage a religious
ritual; but for thousands of years after Eden, mating
continued as a purely social and civil institution.
The likening of human
associations to divine associations is most unfortunate. The
union of husband and wife in the marriage-home relationship
is a material function of the mortals of the evolutionary
worlds. True, indeed, much spiritual progress may accrue
consequent upon the sincere human efforts of husband and
wife to progress, but this does not mean that marriage is
necessarily sacred. Spiritual progress is attendant upon
sincere application to other avenues of human endeavor.
Neither can marriage be
truly compared to the relation of the Adjuster to man nor to
the fraternity of Christ Michael and his human brethren. At
scarcely any point are such relationships comparable to the
association of husband and wife. And it is most unfortunate
that the human misconception of these relationships has
produced so much confusion as to the status of marriage.
It is also unfortunate
that certain groups of mortals have conceived of marriage as
being consummated by divine action. Such beliefs lead
directly to the concept of the indissolubility of the
marital state regardless of the circumstances or wishes of
the contracting parties. But the very fact of marriage
dissolution itself indicates that Deity is not a conjoining
party to such unions. If God has once joined any two things
or persons together, they will remain thus joined until such
a time as the divine will decrees their separation. But,
regarding marriage, which is a human institution, who shall
presume to sit in judgment, to say which marriages are
unions that might be approved by the universe supervisors in
contrast with those which are purely human in nature and
origin?
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Nevertheless, there is an
ideal of marriage on the spheres on high. On the capital of
each local system the Material Sons and Daughters of God do
portray the height of the ideals of the union of man and
woman in the bonds of marriage and for the purpose of
procreating and rearing offspring. After all, the ideal
mortal marriage is humanly sacred.
Marriage always has been
and still is man's supreme dream of temporal ideality.
Though this beautiful dream is seldom realized in its
entirety, it endures as a glorious ideal, ever luring
progressing mankind on to greater strivings for human
happiness. But young men and women should be taught
something of the realities of marriage before they are
plunged into the exacting demands of the interassociations
of family life; youthful idealization should be tempered
with some degree of premarital disillusionment.
The youthful idealization
of marriage should not, however, be discouraged; such dreams
are the visualization of the future goal of family life.
This attitude is both stimulating and helpful providing it
does not produce an insensitivity to the realization of the
practical and commonplace requirements of marriage and
subsequent family life.
The ideals of marriage
have made great progress in recent times; among some peoples
woman enjoys practically equal rights with her consort. In
concept, at least, the family is becoming a loyal
partnership for rearing offspring, accompanied by sexual
fidelity. But even this newer version of marriage need not
presume to swing so far to the extreme as to confer mutual
monopoly of all personality and individuality. Marriage is
not just an individualistic ideal; it is the evolving social
partnership of a man and a woman, existing and functioning
under the current mores, restricted by the taboos, and
enforced by the laws and regulations of society.
Twentieth-century
marriages stand high in comparison with those of past ages,
notwithstanding that the home institution is now undergoing
a serious testing because of the problems so suddenly thrust
upon the social organization by the precipitate augmentation
of woman's liberties, rights so long denied her in the tardy
evolution of the mores of past generations.
[Presented by the Chief of
Seraphim stationed on Urantia.]
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